Time Passes, Even When We Don’t Want It To

Two months ago today, I was sitting on my college campus between classes writing a blog post. I remember the day clearly: the rain was falling outside and I could hear the sound of it gently hitting the windowpane behind me, and I was content (mainly because I enjoy a rainy day every once in awhile). I was a little over a month away from graduating from the university and life felt great.

It’s amazing how quickly that feeling can go away.

Nineteen days after that blog post, my mom suffered from a seizure. We thought it was just a byproduct of her stage IV melanoma and weekly chemo sessions. Unfortunately, the news wasn’t that simple, and six days after she was admitted to the hospital, she died, peacefully on a sunny wintry morning after celebrating my oldest sister’s birthday, and I was lucky enough to hold her hand and read to her in her last moments. In a matter of days, my life was turned upside down.

The past month has been a rollercoaster of emotions trying to deal with the changes ranging from life without my mom to my transition into the world after college. With all that was going on, I didn’t feel I was at a place to be writing. I didn’t think I had anything to say.

I could barely help myself how could I possibly help someone else right now?” I thought.

But tonight I realized writing is what I have to do. Maybe I don’t have much insight or information to offer, but if I can share the daily struggles of life after the death of a loved one, maybe I could inspire even one person to share their story. Losing someone close to you changes your whole existence. It changes your thoughts about your future, the person you are, and throws a curve ball into something as simple as your daily routine. With all these changes, it’s no wonder people easily fall into a depression after significant loss and change. I find myself fighting that every single day. But that’s what we have to do. We have to fight. Whether it is for ourselves, our friends, or any of our loved ones; it is in these moments that we need to be reaching out for help, or to simply be willing to open up.

Depression comes on quickly. At first it may seem like a lazy day or you can blame it on the gloomy weather. And eventually, you find that days and weeks have passed and the feelings haven’t subsided, but the sooner you reach out to others, the easier it can be to cope with.

Making yourself vulnerable is difficult, believe me, I’ve been trying to think of something, anything to say since my mom died. But eventually, you just have to put it out there, and hopefully, you’ll be surprised at the response and support you’re greeted with.

My plea for you tonight, is to not give up. Not on yourself or your loved ones, help them away from the darkness depression can bring on. It’s amazing the impact a few simple words can make.

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6 thoughts on “Time Passes, Even When We Don’t Want It To

  1. Tha’s a beautiful message to those who might be dealing with the same things that you are. Be sure to keep it.

  2. Absolutely beautiful, Bre, and so, so true. I struggled for almost a year after losing my sister until I finally realized just what was wrong with me. I have finally found myself again and have begun doing some of the things I did “before.” I am journaling again; wish I had started sooner, as it is SOOOO healing. You are on the right track, kiddo. Your mom is so proud of you all!!

  3. 🙂 Good job Bre. You are so brave to share. So many times we try to muddle through the darkness on our own, when in reality there are so many who want to reach out and help us, if they only knew how. Keep writing. Keep loving. Keep remembering. Love all of the Johnson Family members.

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